Pathetic Ironic
by cookies-at-midnight
Summary: Two parts. The musings of Raenef and Eclipse about each other. Shonen-ai. Edited October 23 2004.
1. Eclipse

**Note: **This is the revised edition of _Pathetic/Ironic_. I'm sitting at the computer at 2:00 am because I can't go to bed until the fruitcake finishes cooking, since it needs to be wrapped sherry the minute it cools. Therefore, I am bored. Since I have recently discovered that bolds and italics now show up without the use of an html document, I figure I shall take advantage of the opportunity to make the formatting prettier, and change the mistakes in the fic. This was my first one ever, and I'm rather fond of it, despite the fact that the structure is off, and it generally makes no sense whatsoever. That, combined with the fact that I hate having something posted with obvious errors in it (despite the fact that this will probably never be read) pisses me off, so I am making a couple of fixes.

**Disclaimer:** I think you've all already guessed this but I don't own demon diary. Well, I do in my own little world, but - as the doctors have all pointed out - this is not reality. /Sighs morosely/

**Warnings:** In case you're incredibly dense, this _is_ a shounen-ai fic. So, guess what: guys like guys. If you don't like it, don't read it. You're free to flame me my writing sucks - 'cuz I really want to know if that's the case - but I warn you now I will not respond well to some homophobic idiot going on a rant about how wrong it is. The warning is right there. If you have a problem then run far, far away. Right now. I may not be responsible for my actions.

**A/N:** Alright, voila my first ever fanfic. It's completely pointless but the idea popped into my head so I wrote it. There are actually two parts to this. The second is titled Raenef and it's in his POV. This one's in Eclipse's BTW. Anyway if I get some positive reviews (who am I kidding, if I get 1 person who likes this I'll probably put the next part up) I'll post that soon but it's in the process of being typed up right now. You have to understand that they sorta go together (complementy or whatever) so this really isn't complete without the second half. But try and give it a chance ... please ... /Makes huge puppy-dog eyes/

**Pathetic/Ironic**

**Part 1: Eclipse**

I love you.

Ironic, ne?

Although, _pathetic _may be a more suitable description.

I, Eclipse, a demon of the third order, fourth ranking in _all_ of existence, am in love ...

With you.

Raenef.

Gomen ne, I meant Lord Raenef.

Yes.

Pathetic is _definitely_ more suitable.

I've gone through all the stages (yes, I do know about those).

I tried denial.

Guess how well that went.

I tried anger.

That lasted for all of two seconds before you looked up at me with those adorable puppy-dog eyes ...

I gave up on that as well.

Do you see what you've done to me?

I can't even be angry with you anymore - and I was very good at that.

Not to mention the fact that I just used the word adorable.

In a sentence.

About you.

... Good Lord.

I'm not entirely sure about what came after anger. That point in time is slightly jumbled in my mind; a miasma of thoughts and emotions.

I couldn't be angry with you.

I tried.

Lord _knows_ how I tried – but it didn't seem to take.

Without my anger I had nothing ... except for you.

And it seemed that was enough.

_That_ thought scared me more than anything else ever has.

Ah, fear, that's what must have followed.

And I was afraid-

Terrified out of my mind

... Or whatever was left of it.

But, I worked through all of this

Slowly.

Very, _very_, slowly.

I'm almost certain that I was seriously contemplating suicide at one point in time.

But I couldn't do it ...

Because that would mean leaving you.

I'm returning to pathetic; it's just such a good word.

Of course, I'm not used to _being_ it.

... I'll have to get over that.

I think I'm at acceptance now.

I know I love you, I've admitted that at least.

Progress, ne?

The question is, can I say it out loud, even if you're not here?

I suppose I could try.

I open my mouth ...

No sound.

I open it again ...

Still nothing.

Third time's the charm ...

I may be here a while.

"I love you."

There.

I said it.

It tastes strange on my tongue – bittersweet, like dark chocolate.

Unfamiliar, yet ...

Comfortable?

No. Comforting.

Now this is strange.

Comforting is _not_ a word I use in my vocabulary. Especially not in association with ...

Love.

Then again, up until recently, love wasn't a part of my vocabulary either-

Or adorable for that matter.

Pathetic.

I need to find a new word.

**A/N:** Okay. I'm finished and it's like twelve and I think my cookies are done (long story) so I'm calling it quits. All I have to say is:

Cookies: "Please, please, please, _please_review. Without reviews my life will have no meaning and I may _die_." /Groveling on hands and knees/

Raenef: "Umm" /Comes up and whispers in her ear/

Cookies: /Looks indignant/ "How dare you suggest that?! I am _not_ a drama queen!!!"


	2. Raenef

**Disclaimer:** Let's just review:

FANfiction.

Raenef: "Yup, that looks about right."

Eclipse: "I suppose this means this means she doesn't own us."

Raenef: "I think so."

Eclipse: "Excuse me a moment."

Sounds of champagne popping open. Confetti floats through the door.

Cookies: /Sniff/ "I find that completely uncalled for."

**Warning:** Yeah, this is shonen-ai, and that does entail certain things that the bible says are wrong, but I'm guessing that if you've gotten this far you don't have a problem with it. If you do have a problem a) why in the world would you be continuing to read? b) if you flame me for it, you have issues and really need to see somebody, and c) I'm not entirely sure why you're reading a _Demon Diary _fic.

**A/N:** Yes, umm, I think I will ramble for awhile. This is the second half of this fic, and just to warn you it may make absolutely no sense, but that's ok (at least by me). It's in Raenef's POV, and meant to complement Eclipse's earlier ramblings. Oh, he may be a little OOC, but I think that's the point I was trying to make when I wrote this. To be perfectly honest though I can't quite remember since this was written late at night and I had had _a lot_ of coffee which makes me go slightly loopy. Also, I didn't spend as much time on Raenef as I did Eclipse because I love him infinitely more.

Raenef: /Makes huge watery eyes/

"You don't love me anymore?"

Cookies: "Aww, sweetie, I do love you but...well, Eclipse is just...Eclipse.

Raenef: "Oh, yeah. I kinda get what you mean." /Becomes lost in his own thoughts (and smirking)/

Cookies: "Hentai!"

Anywho, if you're still tuned in I give you points and I'll just say one more thing before you get on with the fic. This is dedicated to Gaimana, cuz they gave me the good review I was hoping for (yes I know I'm pathetically easy to please), and are therefore the reason that this is posted. So enjoy ... hopefully.

**Pathetic/Ironic**

**Part 2: Raenef**

I love you.

Pathetic, ne?

I suppose Ironic would also work in this context.

I love you Eclipse ...

And you can barely stand the sight of me.

I try. I try _so_ hard to be what it is you want:

Evil.

Hard.

Cruel.

Heartless.

Ruthless.

Cold.

But wouldn't that make it hard for me to continue to feel this way?

And the one thing that makes me try so hard to please you ...

Is the one thing that causes you such displeasure.

My warmth.

But I am only warm because ...

I love you.

Yes. Ironic is _definitely_ the word for this.

I don't think there were any stages for me.

I knew right away ...

How I felt.

But it made me miserable, almost resentful of you.

Almost.

Progress, ne?

I suppose you would be proud.

I want to say it.

I don't think that I've ever wanted something so badly.

Every time I see you, I have to prevent myself from blurting it out;

Prevent myself from ruining everything.

Because you don't feel the same.

I'm starting to wonder if you even _feel_ period.

Maybe I should try harder at being cold.

Maybe even pretending could be good enough.

You're cold so ...

Maybe you wouldn't mind me then.

Or maybe ...

Maybe I'm just fooling myself.

False hope.

False love.

"I hate you!"

No. I don't

"_Aishiteru_."

Damn it.

Damn you.

Did I really just think that?

Yes. I did.

And I think ...

I meant it

Do you see what you've done to me?

I'm angry.

I don't hate you.

I could never _hate_ you.

But ...

Up until recently anger wasn't even a part of my vocabulary.

Neither was hate –

Or damn, for that matter.

Ironic.

I think I've found the perfect word.

Fin.

**A/N:** Yoopeeeeee!!!!!!!!! I'm finished my first ever fanfic. And it only took me two days.

/Everyone cheers, but for other reasons/

Cookies: /Pouts/ "I went to all this trouble and you cheer cuz there's no more horrible chapters!?

Meanies!!!"

Raenef: "Don't worry about it. I liked your fic."

Cookies: /Makes wide, hopeful eyes/ "Really?"

Raenef: "Well, umm ... I'm supposed to be the nice one, see ... and ..."

Cookies: /Humphs/ "Forget it. I suppose though, that genius is always underappreciated."

Raenef: "... Of course." /Mutters/ "You and Chris should start a club or something."

Cookies: "What was that now?!"

Raenef: "Er, nothing"

Cookies: /Smiles evilly/ "Good. Because, you do know that as the author, I do have control over

_all_. Mwahahahaha!"

Raenef: /Gulps/ "Oh, dear lord. The entire demon world is quaking with fear."

Oh, by the by, _aishiteru_ means I love you and _Gomen ne_ means sorry. And I do know this is a Korean manga, but I like Japanese. Plus I don't know any Korean. Anywho, I'd forgotten about that when I wrote it, and couldn't bring myself to change it (I like them there) so please just humor me. Oh and I think I mentioned last chapter about my horrible disease, who's only cure is reviews. So yes, if I didn't, here's me saying it again.


End file.
